The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
