You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We are all done wearing pants today
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
