Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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