dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
