oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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