glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize