I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize