I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
