If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You pole danced in your parka.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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