you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
