mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
