Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize