I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
