your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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