Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize