He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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