just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
