There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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