Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
