The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
