So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
