my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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