It's Friday. Sex?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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