so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize