it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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