What a fucking waste of an outfit
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
