then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
