I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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