Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
