he puts the penis in happiness.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Boobs speak an international language.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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