there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize