Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
