If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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