Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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