I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
