This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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