AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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