They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize