i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I didn't notice because vodka
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
