i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
