if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
