I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
