I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I want her autograph on my taint
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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