You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
