meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize