oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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