She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
