what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
