Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
