I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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