Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
