I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
