She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
