I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
