she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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