I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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