Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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