dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
