mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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