That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I will pee on everything he values.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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