So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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