Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
