There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
