I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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