Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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