Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
